


Lashing out!Connor Murphy reader drabble

by srslyitsnina



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Huge trigger warning, Requested
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 11:14:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12167751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/srslyitsnina/pseuds/srslyitsnina
Summary: I’m sorry





	Lashing out!Connor Murphy reader drabble

  Connor seemed to be off today. Which wasn’t weird, but you, as his partner, were worried. He had been fine the past week. You wracked your brain for anything that had happened today or this past week, anything that could trigger him.

     Usually, if he was set off by Larry, his mom, or someone at school, you would be the first to know. He always, _always_ told you. He had been getting really good at telling someone, and not keeping it in. You thought that he was feeling better.

    After school, you drove to the Murphy house, because Connor was most likely there. He was also most likely at the house alone; for Zoe was at jazz band practice and Connor had told you one time that when he felt angry, being alone made him more mad.

    As soon as you arrived, you ran up to the door. You knocked loudly a few times. No answer. You knocked again, no answer. You huffed loudly, and grabbed your key to the house, (Mrs. Murphy gave it to you on your two month anniversary with Connor.) and unlocked the door.

     “Connor,” you called, disrupting the peacefulness of the house with your shout. You started to walk up the stairs, hoping that your boyfriend was alright, hoping that he just was tired, and that’s why he seemed off. That’s why he skipped the rest of school.

    You reached the top of the steps, and you smelled the weed, which meant it your worry was real. You sprinted the ten feet it was to Connor’s door, and knocked. Why you were surprised that he didn’t answer, you don’t know.

     “Connnor,” you spoke. “It’s me, its only me. Open up, _please_.“ 

    “Fuck off,” he retorted. Your heart dropped, he never told you that. That’s how you realized it was bad.

     You jiggled the doorknob, realizing the door was unlocked. You opened the door and right in front of you was your boyfriend, Connor, looking pissed off.

     “I told you to,” he started. “Fuck off,” he said, walking towards you.

    “No,” you argued. “You’re mad and I want to help. I’m staying here.” He let out a dry, sarcastic laugh.

     “Wow, there goes (Y/n) always there,” he jeered. “Always saving the day. _Always_ the fucking hero.”

    You felt every word jab into your heart, you knew he was doing this to make you leave. That he didn’t really mean it, but it still hurt. 

    “I don’t you to be alone, Con. I want to be with you right now.”

      “Wow, they can’t trust me,” he shouted. “They’re turning into my mom, my dad, my sister, basically, literally person who I don’t actually love.”

   “Connor, that’s so not true,” you interjected. 

     “Oh,” he said, a taunting grin on his face, taking steps closer to you, and he stopped when he was a couple feet away from you. “No, no, _my_ _dear_. I don’t actually love you, mom, Larry, Zoe or anyone. It’s just for show, like it is the other way around. People don’t love, fuck, _LIKE_ people who are the same as me. They know we’ll die, that we won’t be along forever!”

    His words became as loud as a machine gun. He had a maniacal look upon his face.

    “Connor, we love you. Your mom loves you, your dad as well. Zoe loves you. And I love you so so much,” you said desperately.

    “That’s just a lie that you’ve said so many times, that you’re actually starting to believe it,” he shouted at you. 

   You shook your head and stood your ground, knowing that he wasn’t being truthful. You Your eyes  were watery, you didn’t know what caused it to happen.

   Between the words just spoken to you and your boyfriend’s feelings, it was painful, but you stayed. Because he didn’t mean it, he didn’t really mean that he didn’t love you.

   “Connor,” you spoke softly, looking into his bloodshot eyes. Once you did, he looked away and he crumpled to the ground.

    He fell down and curled up in a ball, his face was hidden in his knees, and his arms were wrapped around his legs, and

     “Can I come over now, Connor,” you asked, hesitantly. Here was your boyfriend, small and vulnerable.

    “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said in a small voice. You walked across the room, and wrapped your arms around him.

    He let go of his legs and hugged you back, he gripped your shirt and started to cry while your hands found his hair and carded them through it.  You let some of your own tears fall and mix with his. You held him and rocked him sideways.

     Here you two were, holding each other and swaying back and forth on the floor, in the middle of his room.

     “I’m sorry,” he confessed softly, after a long while of holding each other. “Why are you with me, (y/n)? You should leave me. I’m toxic, I’m awful.” 

   “I am not going to leave you. I’m with you because you make me happy. Because I love you.”

  His head rose and looked into your eyes. His eyes told you that he loved you too. He didn’t need to say it. He loves you so much.

    You brought your hands down from Connor’s hair, and brought  them to his face and held his face. You brushed your thumbs along his splotchy cheek bones. He closed his eyes and relished in the feeling you gave him. 

   This was enough for right now, and he was content. You both fell asleep like that, and that’s how Zoe found you, cuddled tightly in the middle of the room. (She took pictures)

 

   

 

 

 


End file.
